Hospitality Critics: A Blog

What hospitality workers are really thinking when they come to your restaurant…dun dun duuuuun!

It is rare that you find a restaurant that you can’t fault, especially as a reviewer and an ex-hospitality worker. If you have ever worked in hospo, especially in fine dining, your genetics are permanently altered to sniff out flaws in every dining experience.

We have a constant stream of questions like; ‘Are the wait staff attentive or are they too attentive and sharing personal medical details?’

‘Why is the water jug a weird fish shape, and why is it so heavy?’

‘Is the fresh octopus as fresh as they say, or is that fishy taste the sauce?’

‘Why are they playing gangster rap at 7am on a Tuesday and why aren’t they as hungover as I am?’

And finally, my personal favourite, 'WHY, for the love of all things pure and holy in this world, did my waiter come to check on us, but not clear our plates?!’

Oh the mind of a hospo worker is a complicated beast, and if you get more than one of us on a table, Lord help you.

When huddled together we can systematically pick apart every piece of your establishment like locusts devouring a field. We will will notice all the things no mere mortal could detect, and as we deconstruct the dining room you’ll undoubtedly hear the same unanswered question ‘Why do they insist on using stubby catering wine glasses in a fine dining restaurant?! Honestly?!’ 

Not to worry though, all is not lost, because when we have impeccable service, sensational food, and an all around flawless experience we will shout it from the rooftops!

Nothing gives us more pleasure as a food reviewer and hospitality alumni to simply say ‘Your restaurant is exactly what every restaurant should aspire to be in every way, *mic drop*.’ Then I could just tell my readers to go and experience it for themselves, but alas, I love the sound of my own voice far too much to leave it at that. So without much further ado, my glowing review.